dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Buhtt sex?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
