I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
