Who wears a wallet chain?!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
