I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
