Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
