Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
