just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
