Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
