Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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