I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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