new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
