I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
