Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize