have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
