Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
