Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize