Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
