Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
