i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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