WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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