my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think I sprained my soul last night
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
