Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
