he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize