Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
