flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
