i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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