Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
