im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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