i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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