we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize