Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
