A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
