She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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