I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
