Will you blow on my dice?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize