She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
