dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
