I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
