Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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