I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
