Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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