my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the condom got lost in my hair
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
