I wish life had little blips of pornography
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
