i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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