Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
