She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I still have a little drunk in my system
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
