Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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