My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
