So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
