I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
