i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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