Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
