At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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