it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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