I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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