I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
