I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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