I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
