oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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