Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
