I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
