The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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