Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
