My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
